Blummin 'eck I have had enough of this lark now. You think you've got yourself all sorted and it's all good and then something happens that knocks you right back down again. It shouldn't of course, it's irrational and stupid, but it happens anyway and all your hard work starts to leak away which is as annoying as any part of the whole thing because you know you're going to have to do it all again. I need a holiday really. I haven't had a proper one where I get away from everything for two years now and I think it must be about time I did something about it. Maybe after Christmas.

Listening to: Mazzy Star - Fade Into You

It's finally happened. I have totally lost all interest in or concern about my job and my career. I think I knew it was coming, and it has been for a while now, but I finally feel like I have totally lost all enthusiasm for what I do for a living. Once upon a time I was totally up for it, always ready to learn something new and get stuck in. Now I just don't care enough to make any effort.

I just read an article related to something I was thinking of doing and to be honest I only understood about 30% of it even though it was based upon my programming language of choice. It has been so long since I worked in a proper software environment that I have managed to survive on blagging it, making it up as I go along and Google searches, but now I realise that this just won't cut it any more but I just don't give enough of a toss about IT to learn it properly. I'm only in it for the money now because nothing else will pay me this well

I don't want to be here any more. I hate it, hate it with a passion. Now maybe its just this job (and I am looking for a new one, it must be said), but what if the next job is just the same? What if I still don't care? I would dearly love to be able to jack in IT altogether and never have anything to do with it again, but I'm afraid I'd be good for nothing at all then. Perhaps if I get a job in an industry I am interested in (and trust me, I am not even remotely interested in the industry I am in now) then things might be different, and it has to be worth a shot.

But I really can't see myself lasting a whole lot longer and then what? I'm buggered that's what. What I'd really like to do is learn to coppice woodland and have my own patch of it and learn to burn charcoal and what not, but woodland is expensive and it doesn't really pay a great deal so I suspect that's a lottery-win type of affair.

My motivation has just leaked away that little bit more...

Just watched last nights Have I Got News For You which was hosted by
Kirsty Young. Wow. She looked stunning, absolutely stunning. I would
give one of my arms to have even a date with her. Wonder how I could
apply to be her toyboy?

How do you get over someone? Is there some secret to it? If there is
then can someone tell me what it is please?

Here's the thing: I want to be over them but at the same time I don't,
and that side is much much stronger in me. What to do? It's unhealthy,
no doubt about it but the fact that I don't want to be over them at
all leads me to believe that I am experiencing the L word but I know
the other person foes not feel the same at all. Just my luck.

If only there was an easy way to do this, but then if there was then
we probably wouldn't have half the great music, art and poetry that we
do have. I'm not suggesting my situation will produce any of that by
the way!

My self-promotion, that is. I've put a couple of mixes online that I recorded a couple of years ago. They're not the best I've ever done as I was out of practice, and the two that are up are very similar in terms of the tracks on them, but it's a start. I might do more soon and put them up, I'll see if I get the chance.

Anyway, they are progressive, tech and tribal house and trance - think Nick Warren, John Digweed, Sasha etc. You can find them here. Enjoy!