I never figured myself for the jealous type. I really didn't. But then I never figured on the unique situation I find myself in where I don't know where I stand at all. Jealousy is a terrible thing but I just can't help being horrendously jealous even though I don't know if there's anything to be jealous about and indeed I don't even think there is. But still, I can't help it. I hate the fact that I am jealous, I thought I was more stable and level headed than that but it's tearing me apart. I can't help but let my mind imagine the worst possible scenarios and then panic about them. I feel a bit sick and incredibly depressed about it and that just makes it worse.

Is there a cure for it? I don't know, but I somehow feel I'm doomed to it for eternity and there's no way out. Sometimes, life fucking sucks.

Stupid of me to think otherwise really. That was a record even for me.

Ever have one of those days (or nights) in which something you've daydreamed about actually comes to pass? Well I did last night. It was a bit weird because ti was totally unexpected (that's the thing about daydreams - they are generally about something that is unobtainable) and at first I didn't quite know what to do and indeed, was even speechless, if you can believe that. Difficult I know.

But, when I discovered that I hadn't suddenly become a retard and that I did actually still possess the power of speech, I couldn't quite believe what had happened. I'm not going to say what it was, but suffice it to say that it was a bloody good daydream and I am rather pleased that of all the daydreams that could have happened, it was that one. Today I was even beginning to wonder if in fact it hadn't all been an elaborate extension of the same daydream. But no, I'm pretty sure it happened alright and that's just fine with me.

Listening to: Velvet revolver - Contraband

So that list thing never happened. As usual with these things I got bored and just couldn't be arsed. Oh well. Instead, I thought I might share some music with you. Well, I say share, but you might not want to listen to it, but there you go.

You may or may not have heard of Spotify. In case you haven't, it's a free service which allows you to stream unlimited music to your PC for free. Yes, free. You do get an ad every now and then but frankly, it's not intrusive and it's a lot better than radio - no annoying DJs or shitty low rent ads from local carpet tat merchants. You can get it ad free by paying a monthly sub, buit frankly I don't see the point. I have tos ay, I'm not sure how long they can last as it seems like a rather revenue-light busniness model to me, but what do I know?

To use it, download the client from Spotify and then you can stream music, make playlists or listen to other people's playlists and thats how I intend to share music with you, dear reader. I will eventually put some links on the sidebar but for now, here's the spotify links for my playlists (click them once the client is installed and it should open spotify and start playing).

Seriously heavy metal \m/^~..~^\m/

Some downbeat stuff

Some good old fashioned hip hop

My guilty pleasures list

(Note you might need to refresh the page after clicking the link to get it to work - no idea why).

And so I come to my 100th post. I was going to make this a bit of a discussion on new music delivery models (namely Spotify) and my thoughts on them, but I've decided that can be post no 101 or even a bit futher on.

No, today we are talking lists, specifically, the kinds of list that tell you you should have read/listened to/done, or whatever, the various things contained therein. Of course, these things are largely pointless because they generally involve lists made up by journos or pundits all of whom, have some sort of agenda and so they are far too abitrary, but I have done one or two of late and thought I'd share them with you.

So, first up, a list of 100 books that apparently everyone should read according so some spurious BBC News article.



1 - Read some plays and sonnets at school but by no means the whole lot. I doubt many people have truly done so or have the patience to put up with the overly-wordy prose.
2 - I started to read it but gave up because, frankly, it was shit.


So, thats the books taken care of. Next was a list on The Guardian website regarding 1000 (yes, one thousand!) songs you should hear before you die, or somesuch. And since it's my blog, I am going to list every last one of the buggers in the next post.